Time might well be the cruelest of concepts. It taunts me continuously with its immeasurable eternal constantness. It has always existed. It will always exist. Yet there is never enough of it. I mean, how is that even possible? While better minds than mine can most likely explain this mystery, it does nothing to solve my problem of never having enough time—time desperately needed to write quality horror-related material for you, my fine and wonderful readers.
I mention this because I am sure the more observant among you have noticed that there haven’t been as many posts as usual lately. There are several reasons for this, such as the holidays and the recent All Elvis, All Day incident. But the main reason is that Slammed & Damned has recently changed the location of its world headquarters. Make no mistake; this was a crucial move, my friends. It was necessary to allow us to stay one step ahead of Them. They are becoming smarter. I know you know to whom I refer. But I can say no more. It is imperative you be afforded plausible deniability. Just remember, the hen is in the nest. I repeat, the hen is in the nest.
Errrr, where was I? I think I blacked out for a minute. Oh yes, the move. As you can tell, it’s been hectic. You know how time-intensive a regular move is, right? Imagine the problems inherent in moving an operation the size and scope of Slammed & Damned. Just locating sufficient quarters for our purposes was a nightmare. Do you know how many management companies actually balk at having a quality collection of medieval torture devices housed on their property? More than you’d think, that’s how many.
I kid. We have no such collection. Slammed & Damned did recently find new quarters though. And everything is still in boxes. From where I sit, I see three boxes of DVDs that still need to be unpacked. Unfortunately, there really isn’t any open shelf space at the moment. So, add that to my list of things to do for which there is not enough time. Buy shelves. Yay! But worry not, I do have several movies already planned for review—goodies such as Thriller: A Cruel Picture, Frankenstein Meets the Space Monster, Bonnie & Clyde vs. Dracula, Baba Yaga and Virgin Witch, among others. See? I’m thinking about you, my friends. Not only do I offer you plausible deniability, I also strive to bring you the “finest” in horror entertainments. So look for those in the coming weeks. Until then, just to tie this mess all together somehow, I will leave you with a jolly photo set of medieval (and more recent) torture devices. I warn you, these are some of the most heinous contrivances known to man, so brace yourselves.